


Is it really Christmas?

by bbg17on



Category: Call Me By Your Name (2017)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:07:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25985635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbg17on/pseuds/bbg17on
Summary: Credit for this goes to isitandwonder. I haven’t finished all of what you wrote, this kind of came to me.
Relationships: Oliver/Elio Perlman
Kudos: 3





	Is it really Christmas?

**Author's Note:**

> Credit for this goes to isitandwonder. I haven’t finished all of what you wrote, this kind of came to me.

I’ve usually liked Christmas. The fire going in the fireplace. Music, drinks. I know we were all young. After a full day there would be hot chocolate from playing in the cold most of the day. Now that we’re grown there’s scotch. A burn with a chase of flavor. We all thought the adults were lucky to drink this stuff. It’s been a tradition for me, David and Mathew. But now looking at the room temperature liquid, it doesn’t hold the promise it used to. Something solid for me to look forward to. Being a grown up? No. Being able to ignore what’s around me in the comforts of a glass. It feels hollow now. 

We’ve all moved to dad’s study and over the course of an hour he’s given the years newsletter. He’s gone to see our brother. The poor man. I haven’t seen him since before his wife died. He was in rough shape then. Cancer wasn’t kind to either of them. Dads reason for this gathering has been to regale us with the tale of how he found a man at Oliver’s apartment. Oliver had searched for dad’s approval, even after coming back from the place dad had sent him to. Knowing Oliver was cured when he got married. I knew too well he wasn’t. I could think it’s a brother thing. 

Dad making us aware he’s cut Oliver off. As if to warn us if we help him he’ll know about it. Dad is appalled. The whole lifestyle disgusting, disgraceful to him. “He’ll be back.” Dad is certain. The name of his father carrying more weight than the world. “He never did know what was good for him.” Dad mutters into his scotch. “We all know that’s complete crap.” I’ve been standing here silent while David and Mathew inquire about the story like it’s from Wall Street. 

He’s surprised to hear me speak. Usually keeping my tongue numb with overpriced scotch that doesn’t seem worth it anymore. Maybe I’ve just gotten tired of him bad mouthing Oliver. Maybe it’s bad to do it while he’s not here to defend himself. Maybe it’s why I’m speaking now. “The reason why you are so upset about Oliver is because he is most like you. We all strived to be. The head for business. Went to the best colleges.” We all saw it growing up. Oliver is the one dad paid most attention to. It wasn’t they look almost alike. Blue eyes, blonde hair. Dad had wanted Oliver to be just like him. And it has been a real disappointment he isn’t. I’ve known it for years and accepted it. Oliver liking this guy is a small side affect of dads anger towards him but not the complete reason. 

“Art is an unrealistic field, John. It’s unpredictable. There is no way to make a solid life out of it.” What we have heard for years. All the money in the world to flaunt under others noses. “Mone, Van Gogh.” All famous now. His argument isn’t holding up. “What would his poor wife think?” He knows his last argument fell flat. So he’s grabbing another. If Oliver cared about his wife like I suspect he did, then they were close. He told her. “You expect him to be loyal to her for the rest of his life?” Forever the grieving widower. He does and for appearances. Now is he going to go on about how it’s the decent thing to do? She would want him to be happy. “He had found love and was happy. Did he think it was possible to find it again? Had he completely given up on ever finding it again?” 

I know my words are a shock to him. They are to me too. It’s like a switch has flipped in my mind and I can’t turn it back. “With a man?” Dad is almost roaring. “Two men can’t have children.” Now he’s hollering. Does he want to hear how science has revolutionized this possibility for anyone? As if the one idea was Oliver’s goal the entire time. “Maybe it’s not what he wants. Maybe he just wants to be happy.” Me and dad have hardly had an argument. It could be the state of appeals for a case or Wall Street. He’s hardly had a fight with any of us. Except one. “Why are you defending him?” Dad is standing up from his chair and walking across the room. As if it’s been 5 against 1 all these years. And I’ve finally had enough. “Maybe him and I are similar.” Oliver is brave enough to have the man he loves live with him.

He hasn’t been under he radar about it. Living in secret but under their noses the entire time. They know Miguel. Although I’ve brought him around as the business associate. A man who likes scotch and dads game of cards in a cloud of cigar smoke. Talking down others while at a table of his own people. Miguel has been coming with me to family Christmas for years now. He’s tolerated it and my indecision to come out to my family. He’s a bit softer around the edges than I am. Now I am coming out at Christmas? The frown on dads face is saying it all. What could I possibly have in common with Oliver? Complete ignorance and blind to what’s right in front of him. Is it a lie if they make you lie? 

I didn’t stand up for Oliver when I should have. David has dropped his drink. “Do you think it was safe for me when mom threw a fit when she found Oliver with another boy?” It’s an excuse I’ve been using all these years. It’s held less weight recently and only made me feel sick. Looking at dad. “Then you sent him to military camp to exercise his demons. It’s amazing he was able to hold out as long as he did. I can only imagine the lectures he gave himself on why he shouldn’t be with this guy. All stemming from this one place.” I was the same age Oliver was when he found out who he is. I knew the same thing would happen to me. “But your normal.” Mathew argues. What a term it is. “Oliver was the only smart one. He left home and started his life.” He got away from dad. He never needed dad’s acceptance, not really. “I’ve been living in the closet.” Oliver walked away from all of this. It’s the least I can do now. I’m financially independent. I don’t need dads money or his connections. This is the least I can do for myself and Oliver. Placing my glass in dad’s hand. “Your going to need this more than I will.” Love isn’t conditional. And it can’t be bought. Oliver taught me this today. Oliver walked away, this man means something to him. Another disappointing son? Maybe. If Oliver’s brave enough, I can be too.


End file.
